Just Another Panic Attack

High School wasn't meant to last forever, its just that simple, but then again it is just really hard to let go.

St. Mary's Academy - Pasay was my home for the last 4 years. It was where almost everyone knew me, it was where my comfort zone was and it did feel like my home away from home.

I recently graduated high school and before I know it, the time is already here for me to enter college. High school seemed to be a drag, but now as I look back at the fond memories those four years now just seem to be a snap.

I've been used to my panic attacks lately, that feeling of excitement, then it comes, that feeling of anxiety, of worry and panic. In just a few days' time I will be out of my comfort zone, I will be out in the open, I will be vulnerable for the first time in quite a long time.

Being in the sheltered walls of SMAP all throughout high school, I find it really hard to comprehend the idea of me leaving, maybe what makes it harder for me is the fact that I'll be all alone in a new school and a new environment. Unlike many of my classmates I will be virtually alone as the new school year starts, I know no one and nothing.

I surely will miss the comfort that SMAP gave me, it was where I found out who and what I wanted to be. The safety blanket that I once wore is now nowhere to be seen and as much as I hate it, it is now time to say goodbye to the home that I once knew, and time to say hello to the home that I must now know.

Countless worries still bother me, will I fit in?, will I find friends?, will I excel? The fact that the school expects me to be one of the best just adds to the pressure and panic, But now as I pause to think, I realize that I am indeed ready. SMAP made me ready, those four years were not wasted, rather they were used to their fullest potential and now I know deep in my heart that I can face anything that college will throw my way.

True leaving is always sad, but now is the time for a new adventure. Maybe I'll have a few more panic attacks but then again maybe that is all just part of the fun. Its now time to close that chapter of my life and as I open a new one I know that those persons and places that I've met and that I've come to know will always be in my heart. So from here on out its GOODBYE HIGH SCHOOL and HELLO COLLEGE. =)))

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