Charm In Ink

4 years. We spent 4 years together and all in a snap those 4 years were gone. I don't even know where to begin and where to end. I find myself crying myself to sleep countless nights. Its like an endless cycle of mourning that somehow repeats itself over and over again. Believe me when I say I'm trying, I have manifested nothing but happy thoughts, I have tried to keep myself busy and maybe that way I'll be able to forget and let go. I thought these mechanisms would work and somehow magically the pain would be gone but no, it's still there sometimes just pushed into the back of the mind and sometimes it's just there in plain view rearing it ugly head and wanting to shout from the rooftops all the pent up emotions that time and time again I have tried to push aside. When I'm all alone and the dust has settled on each day, I pray, I hope, I wish that somehow, someway you'll come back to me. Am I idealistic? Am I being blinded by love? Am I weak? I cannot let y...

The new year signals renewed hope and faith, sometimes even new beginnings, a time for reinvention, a time for putting it all out there, but this new year seems to be a little different for me, one chapter of my life seems to be closing and another just about to begin. I honestly have so much going on right now, that even I cannot track everything, I have found myself questioning my choices and decisions and maybe even regretting some that I made along the way. I came by the quote that to know when enough is enough is the strongest form of discipline that one can muster, is it the same for relationships, what does it mean to settle? what does it mean to let go? I have pondered upon these questions endlessly over the weekend and I still cannot find the right answer, or maybe there isn't a right answer.  Why do we stay in relationships? why do we try to find our soul mates or even our life partners? when the tears stop falling does that mean that we've had enough and that the lov...

 February 1, 2020 was the very first day that we exchanged text messages, about mundane things really, just about the stuff going on as we were both very busy with tasks assigned to us, little did I know that it would be the start of something special, that it would be the start of our love story. Who would have thought that I would find my special someone in the middle of relief operations and a humanitarian mission, surprisingly that was where it all started. I've been introduced to you a long time before as I was giving a speakers' training to our friends and fellow activists, it was an unremarkable first meeting, I just knew you then as someone who also shared his thoughts as I was discussing how one should speak before a large crowd. Then, we met again on a quick response mission, I was tasked to debrief you and your companions and assess how everything went, still that meeting was nothing special. Then came that massive relief operation that had us holed up in our headqua...

Another year just came and went and just like that, I am once again turning a year older and well I hope another year wiser. The past year has been eventful. It has been filled with many highs and lows. It has been a year of self discovery and of me figuring out many things for myself. What I am now is something that I did not see coming, its very far from what I envisioned myself to be once I turned 23 but that is okay. What I have become is something that I think is so much better. Indeed, I'm at a point in my life where I have decisions to make and things to consider and I know that maybe along the way I would make mistakes and do things that I'd regret but maybe it will all be okay. As I celebrate my birthday this year, away from home, away from my family and loved ones and amidst a pandemic that has kept everyone on lockdown I am forced to think about how I have lived my life. It has got me into thinking of how precious time is and how sometimes I have taken things...

All the bullshit made me strong I ask myself what I did wrong? All the bullshit made me strong I have waited far too long All the bullshit made me strong I've faced every challenge headstrong all the bullshit made me strong why can't we all get along all the bullshit made me strong can't get a sense of what is right or wrong all the bullshit made me strong why do I feel like I don't belong all the bullshit made me strong maybe this is the end, no more fight song

Ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng totoong pagbabago? Nabubuhay tayo sa isang mundo na araw-araw nating napapanood sa mga balita ang mga nakahandusay na katawang wala nang hininga—nababalutan ng itim na garbage bag at plaster; ng kaliwa’t kanang  ligalig sa pulitika; kahirapan; digmaan at marami pang iba. Napakadaling sabihing kailangan natin ng pagbabago—ng totoong pagbabago. Ang totoong pagbabago ay ang pagkain sa mga tiyan ng mga mahihirap nating kapwa kabataan. Tayo ang magbubunsod ng totoong pagbabago—hindi isang indibidwal o bagani. Ang totoong pagbabago ay ang pag-alam sa ating mga sarili at ating kapaligiran at gawin itong mas maayos at mas mabuti. Ang totoong pagbabago ay hindi ang paghihintay kundi ang paglikha ng sarili nating tadhana.   Pero sino ang gagawa nito? Lahat ay may kakayanan ngunit tayong mga kabataan ang may pinaka-interes na baguhin ang lipunan—dahil tayo ang magmamana nito. Ikaw, iyang katabi mo, yung grupo ng mga Iskolar diyan, iyong mga artist...

As another semester and academic year draws to a close, I again find myself overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety and a feeling of restlessness brought about by feelings of being left behind and being way past my prime college years. It truly feels like an end of an era for so many different reasons, some of them good and some not so much. I would not be graduating this year, which means I am way delayed in terms of my studies and original timeline, I should have graduated last year at just 20 years old but look at where I am now. My closest friends and org mates will soon be leaving campus and I am really pained and sad and worried. It is as if the times have come and gone and here I am left behind. I have made choices in the past that I don't necessarily regret but right now those choices seem to not be really the best at this point in time. I am really proud of my friends who are finally graduating and who have presented or will be presenting their theses but I cannot help bu...