When the tears won't stop falling

4 years. We spent 4 years together and all in a snap those 4 years were gone. I don't even know where to begin and where to end. I find myself crying myself to sleep countless nights. Its like an endless cycle of mourning that somehow repeats itself over and over again.

Believe me when I say I'm trying, I have manifested nothing but happy thoughts, I have tried to keep myself busy and maybe that way I'll be able to forget and let go. I thought these mechanisms would work and somehow magically the pain would be gone but no, it's still there sometimes just pushed into the back of the mind and sometimes it's just there in plain view rearing it ugly head and wanting to shout from the rooftops all the pent up emotions that time and time again I have tried to push aside.

When I'm all alone and the dust has settled on each day, I pray, I hope, I wish that somehow, someway you'll come back to me. Am I idealistic? Am I being blinded by love? Am I weak? I cannot let you go. Maybe its that irrational part of me, mybe this is my wishful thinking but I cannot bear with the thought of losing you forever.

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