Charm In Ink

There are stories we carry quietly in our hearts — the ones filled with love that was never spoken again, apologies whispered too late, and memories that linger even after goodbye. This is one of those stories. It’s about a father and daughter whose paths drifted apart, whose words were left unsaid, and whose love  despite distance, silence, and time never truly faded. Because in the end, no matter what happened, love stayed. It’s really all a blur. I knew Tatay was sick as early as April this year. But even as a child, about twenty years ago, I already knew he had maintenance medications for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, something for the liver, and sometimes for gout. Our relationship had always been complicated. In 2012, my parents separated, and since then, things have been hard. It eventually reached a point where Tatay and I were no longer speaking. In fact, we weren’t speaking at all until the time of his death. In my heart of hearts, I always believed that someh...

  There are days when I wish life had a reset button. Not a full reset—nothing extreme like going back to diapers or elementary school. I’m talking about a rewind. Maybe a decade back. Maybe to 18, when I was still figuring things out, still allowed to stumble. If I could just go back and make different choices—smarter ones, kinder ones—maybe things would look better now. But I can’t. And here I am at 28. Not quite young anymore, but not exactly old. Somewhere in that blurry, confusing in-between. It’s like being stuck in a holding pattern while everyone else’s lives are taking off. The Lie of Having It All Figured Out At 28, there’s this quiet expectation that you should have something to show for yourself—a degree, a stable job, maybe even a relationship, a savings account, or a five-year plan. But what happens when you don’t have any of those? What happens when all you have is a pile of unmet goals, faded dreams, and a voice in your head constantly whispering: You’re behin...

  When I left for Europe, it wasn’t just a trip. It was a mission, a commitment. I went as part of the Philippine UPR Watch delegation, carrying with me the stories of our people, the struggles back home, and our collective hope for justice and accountability. As the Lead Convenor of Defend Southern Tagalog, I stood in rooms and on streets across different cities, speaking not only for myself but for communities silenced and marginalized for far too long. I thought that after fulfilling this deeply meaningful work, I would come home to another dream finally coming true: my graduation. I imagined arriving back home fulfilled, tired but triumphant, and soon after, walking across the stage wearing my sablay — the symbol of years of hard work, sleepless nights, and unending perseverance. But life had other plans. I found out I wasn’t graduating while I was already in Europe. In between meetings, human rights conferences, and advocacy visits, I received the news that shattered me. A ...

  After almost a year, we met again. We saw each other. You’ve changed a lot — I told you that. You said I still looked the same. We had coffee, shared a drink from the same cup, and you agreed to come home with me — to the family that once called you their own. You were there again, and it felt so familiar. So soft. So quietly significant. We talked about life — where we’ve been, how we’ve changed, how the world moved forward even without each other. And maybe because I know you too well, I caught it. That moment when something you said didn’t feel like the truth. I didn’t call it out. I didn’t have to. I knew. Maybe it was a lie. Maybe it was protection — for you, for me, for whatever we still didn’t have the words for. But here’s what I do know: That night could have been the start of something new… or it could’ve been the closure I didn’t know I was waiting for. I love you. That much I’m sure of. God knows how much I love you — even after everything. But maybe what we sh...

  Today, I attended what may very well be my last face-to-face undergraduate class — not just for the semester, but maybe for my entire college life. Not maybe . I hope . I pray . I need it to be the last one. As I walked out of that classroom, I was hit with a flood of emotions. Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to cover it. There’s still so much uncertainty. I have three major requirements left , and I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it. I’m praying — to every god and force out there — please, help me graduate this semester. It feels so surreal to be here. I started college twelve years ago . Twelve years. That’s a lifetime of starting, stopping, falling behind, trying again. And now, as I stand at the edge of what I hope is the finish line, I’m feeling a mix of fear, hope, nostalgia, and exhaustion . "What happens if I don’t make it this time? What do I do? What face do I have left to show?" Despite the fear, I know there are still things I can do. I can still give i...

I love him, but I am afraid. Almost a year has passed since we broke up. We once promised each other forever, shared inside jokes that only we understand, and made memories that still echo in my heart. Now, after all this time, I find myself reconnecting with him — a connection I thought I had to let go of. Keeping myself away, practicing no contact, was torture. But now, I want nothing more than to go back to him, to make us a thing again. I’ve asked him if there is someone new in his life, but he refuses to answer. He tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it. That silence is painful, confusing, and leaves me hanging between hope and doubt. I can feel the spark between us when we chat — something familiar and electric that hasn’t completely faded. But I also know I cannot read him completely, and I cannot jump to conclusions about what he feels for me. God knows how much I miss him, how deeply I love him. I cannot even picture a future without him in it. Sometimes I wonder — am I...

  There are moments in life when someone begins to feel like every move they make is under surveillance — not out of care, but out of doubt. She feels it deeply now. Supposedly, everyone around her stands as equals. Supposedly, they are her friends. But in reality, she senses something different — something heavy. To her, it feels like people are just waiting for her to make a mistake. Every action she takes is questioned, every decision second-guessed. She notices how others are given space to move freely, to make choices without judgment. But when it comes to her, it’s as if the rules suddenly change. The trust that others receive without question is something she has to earn — over and over again — and even then, it’s never really granted. What’s worse is how these people claim it’s all out of care and concern. But to her, it feels hollow — like a twisted version of compassion. It's as if they’ve become emotionless, robotic in the way they interact — driven more by quiet resentm...

I’m just lost. I feel like I’m always one inch away from a panic attack. My emotions are all over the place. Some days I’m okay, and then out of nowhere, it hits me—that wave of anxiety, the lump in my throat, the nausea that tells me I’m overwhelmed again. And the worst part is, I don’t even know where to start untangling it. It’s not just one thing. It’s everything . I’m reconnecting with an ex—something complicated and emotionally layered. I’m doing my best to graduate, to not fall behind. I’m prepping for an overseas trip, which should feel exciting but mostly just adds more stress. I have debts that keep me up at night. I need money. I need to show up at work, to lead by example, to be reliable. I need to convince my family I’m doing okay—even when I’m not. It’s like I’m being pulled in ten directions at once. Sometimes all I can do is focus on what’s right in front of me. But even then, my thoughts feel like static. I can’t process anything clearly. I’m scared—of the future, o...

Sometimes, I think I’ve just grown too comfortable with the way things are. Maybe I’ve stayed in one place—physically, emotionally, mentally—for so long that I forgot to ask myself if I was still okay. But recently, there’s been this unsettling feeling growing inside me. A quiet whisper that I no longer belong here. That maybe I’ve become invisible. That the things I do, the effort I give, and the heart I put into everything I touch are no longer seen or appreciated. I’ve spent over a decade in this space. That’s more than ten years of sleepless nights, of swallowing stress, of tears shed in silence. But also, ten years of laughter, of beautiful memories, of pouring love into what I do. I’ve given so much—but lately, I find myself questioning: Was it ever enough? Am I still enough? I know there were times my worth was seen. I know I’ve made an impact. I’ve had moments of being appreciated, even celebrated. But as people often say, “You’re only as good as your last performance.” An...

They say going no contact after a breakup is the healthiest way to move on — to protect your peace, heal your heart, and start fresh. I believed that too. But after ten months of silence, I realized my version of “healing” was actually hiding. This is what happened when I finally reached out to the one person I wasn’t supposed to miss. For almost ten months, I’ve been convincing myself that going no contact after our breakup was the best way to heal. No texting, no checking in — just silence, with the occasional birthday greeting or “Happy Holidays” message. I thought this was what healing looked like. I thought distance would help me move on. But I was wrong. These past ten months have felt more like slow, quiet torture. Every time I stopped myself from reaching out, I knew deep down that I wasn’t protecting myself — I was just suppressing how much I still missed my ex and wanted to be part of his life. We didn’t end on bad terms. The breakup hurt — God, it really fucking hurt —...

4 years. We spent 4 years together and all in a snap those 4 years were gone. I don't even know where to begin and where to end. I find myself crying myself to sleep countless nights. Its like an endless cycle of mourning that somehow repeats itself over and over again. Believe me when I say I'm trying, I have manifested nothing but happy thoughts, I have tried to keep myself busy and maybe that way I'll be able to forget and let go. I thought these mechanisms would work and somehow magically the pain would be gone but no, it's still there sometimes just pushed into the back of the mind and sometimes it's just there in plain view rearing it ugly head and wanting to shout from the rooftops all the pent up emotions that time and time again I have tried to push aside. When I'm all alone and the dust has settled on each day, I pray, I hope, I wish that somehow, someway you'll come back to me. Am I idealistic? Am I being blinded by love? Am I weak? I cannot let y...

The new year signals renewed hope and faith, sometimes even new beginnings, a time for reinvention, a time for putting it all out there, but this new year seems to be a little different for me, one chapter of my life seems to be closing and another just about to begin. I honestly have so much going on right now, that even I cannot track everything, I have found myself questioning my choices and decisions and maybe even regretting some that I made along the way. I came by the quote that to know when enough is enough is the strongest form of discipline that one can muster, is it the same for relationships, what does it mean to settle? what does it mean to let go? I have pondered upon these questions endlessly over the weekend and I still cannot find the right answer, or maybe there isn't a right answer.  Why do we stay in relationships? why do we try to find our soul mates or even our life partners? when the tears stop falling does that mean that we've had enough and that the lov...

 February 1, 2020 was the very first day that we exchanged text messages, about mundane things really, just about the stuff going on as we were both very busy with tasks assigned to us, little did I know that it would be the start of something special, that it would be the start of our love story. Who would have thought that I would find my special someone in the middle of relief operations and a humanitarian mission, surprisingly that was where it all started. I've been introduced to you a long time before as I was giving a speakers' training to our friends and fellow activists, it was an unremarkable first meeting, I just knew you then as someone who also shared his thoughts as I was discussing how one should speak before a large crowd. Then, we met again on a quick response mission, I was tasked to debrief you and your companions and assess how everything went, still that meeting was nothing special. Then came that massive relief operation that had us holed up in our headqua...

Another year just came and went and just like that, I am once again turning a year older and well I hope another year wiser. The past year has been eventful. It has been filled with many highs and lows. It has been a year of self discovery and of me figuring out many things for myself. What I am now is something that I did not see coming, its very far from what I envisioned myself to be once I turned 23 but that is okay. What I have become is something that I think is so much better. Indeed, I'm at a point in my life where I have decisions to make and things to consider and I know that maybe along the way I would make mistakes and do things that I'd regret but maybe it will all be okay. As I celebrate my birthday this year, away from home, away from my family and loved ones and amidst a pandemic that has kept everyone on lockdown I am forced to think about how I have lived my life. It has got me into thinking of how precious time is and how sometimes I have taken things...

All the bullshit made me strong I ask myself what I did wrong? All the bullshit made me strong I have waited far too long All the bullshit made me strong I've faced every challenge headstrong all the bullshit made me strong why can't we all get along all the bullshit made me strong can't get a sense of what is right or wrong all the bullshit made me strong why do I feel like I don't belong all the bullshit made me strong maybe this is the end, no more fight song

Ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng totoong pagbabago? Nabubuhay tayo sa isang mundo na araw-araw nating napapanood sa mga balita ang mga nakahandusay na katawang wala nang hininga—nababalutan ng itim na garbage bag at plaster; ng kaliwa’t kanang  ligalig sa pulitika; kahirapan; digmaan at marami pang iba. Napakadaling sabihing kailangan natin ng pagbabago—ng totoong pagbabago. Ang totoong pagbabago ay ang pagkain sa mga tiyan ng mga mahihirap nating kapwa kabataan. Tayo ang magbubunsod ng totoong pagbabago—hindi isang indibidwal o bagani. Ang totoong pagbabago ay ang pag-alam sa ating mga sarili at ating kapaligiran at gawin itong mas maayos at mas mabuti. Ang totoong pagbabago ay hindi ang paghihintay kundi ang paglikha ng sarili nating tadhana.   Pero sino ang gagawa nito? Lahat ay may kakayanan ngunit tayong mga kabataan ang may pinaka-interes na baguhin ang lipunan—dahil tayo ang magmamana nito. Ikaw, iyang katabi mo, yung grupo ng mga Iskolar diyan, iyong mga artist...

As another semester and academic year draws to a close, I again find myself overwhelmed with emotion and anxiety and a feeling of restlessness brought about by feelings of being left behind and being way past my prime college years. It truly feels like an end of an era for so many different reasons, some of them good and some not so much. I would not be graduating this year, which means I am way delayed in terms of my studies and original timeline, I should have graduated last year at just 20 years old but look at where I am now. My closest friends and org mates will soon be leaving campus and I am really pained and sad and worried. It is as if the times have come and gone and here I am left behind. I have made choices in the past that I don't necessarily regret but right now those choices seem to not be really the best at this point in time. I am really proud of my friends who are finally graduating and who have presented or will be presenting their theses but I cannot help bu...

2017 was my year of Magpunyagi! It has been a challengingvyear filled with new experiences both good and bad. The entire year has been a roller coaster ride with intertwining highs and lows. I welcomed big changes as 2017 came, changes that were not a choice but changes brought about by circumstance and need. I welcomed such changes and I have learned plenty of things along the way. As I turned 20, I welcomed a new chapter of my life both literally and figuratively. The position that I now hold as UPLB USC Chairperson is an opportunity and experience that I will always be thankful for. It has not been easy navagating my way thru the web of things to do all throughout the year and there were plenty of times that I almost gave it all up and just quit. It has been a year of many firsts and many lasts, it has been a joy and a burden to have experienced everything all at the same time. From organizinv one event and another to talking and meeting with people and more importan...

Today started out just like any other day, it was but just another event that we/I would have to pull off. I expected it to be draining but not too the point that it would be my saturation point. I have been crying uncontrollably this past week but today was unlike any other day, in the sense that it was not just sadness that overwhelmed me, but there was anger and disappointment and to an extent, there was disdain for the people around me, I hated them for making me feel bad about myself, for making me feel like a very insignificant thing in the bigger spectrum of things, it was as though all my efforts were to be defined by a text message or my ability or inability to reply at the rate that they expected me to. Keep going just wasn't going to resolve me or to make me feel any better, I did my part of the bargain but people seemed to have forgotten that very small part I play in the greater scheme of things, The past 3 months has been exhausting and it is finally taking a toll...

I entered the University in 2013 with high hopes of graduating on time and finishing my degree with flying colors. I've always expected the best for myself, I set high standards and I wanted excellence in anything that I do. I was hell bent on graduating on time and finishing my 4-year course in 4 years, no more no less. As I now see my batchmates trying to finish all their requirements, saying that its just a few more steps till they get to march on that stage with their proud smiles and their sablay on their shoulders I cannot help but ask what if? It actually came to a point that I had to ask did I really make bad decisions, was I a bad student to not graduate on time, does it actually make me less of a person when I chose to not graduate on time. As I navigated my way thru college, I learned that sometimes graduating on time is not the ultimate goal well for me at least and to some of my peers. Many would actually question my motivations on why I chose the path that I took but ...